If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
