Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
