SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
