He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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