and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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