I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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