My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
