There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
