My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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