Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
