We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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