i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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