Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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