but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
