Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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