I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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