so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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