his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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