I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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