You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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