But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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