How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
