Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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