so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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