Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
