AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
