The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
