The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
