what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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