Apparently you make a good broom.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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