dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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