Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
