He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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