What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
