I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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