i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
