I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
