I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
