I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
