Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
