Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You made out with two different species that night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
