what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she told me i tasted like america
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
