I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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