Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
