bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
