I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
