Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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