Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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