We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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