i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
