Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
