The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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