Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
