We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
