Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
