Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
my poor anus
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
