I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
